It is critical that if you are a man or woman, that you read this article about pornography.
The Porn Myth: In the end, porn doesn’t whet men’s appetites—it turns them off the real thing. by Naomi Wolf
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4 comments:
Start preparing your sex discussion with Connor now. It is so important that children learn this from their parents. As you see from this article, they will learn a lot of the wrong stuff from the world.
Last week, I had my talk with Joey. I had started preparing for it years ago and it went so smoothly. It was frank; I used the real words. I made it clear that bodies are not dirty and that sex was holy. He asked good questions and he wanted to have this discussion. I feel like he will come to me to learn more. I will be following-up on this discussion for the next few years too.
"Sex has no mystery." Wow, that's a heck of a quote. I suggest you hire Rob to talk to Connor. That seems to have worked well. ;)
I'm still not sure I'm on the same page as her. I think for many it does turn men off the real thing. But for others it sparks something else which, in the long run, may be far more dangerous and insidious.
What I mean is why can't both Wolf and Dworkin be right to some degree. She mentions talking to men on college campuses. It seems to me that she would be far more successful getting college males to back up her conclusion over against those confessing that it made them act out in more "rapacious" manners.
Regardless, I think we are all on the same page that the advent of internet porn is not a good thing.
Thanks Phil, for sharing that. She completely summed up some of the thoughts I've had and experiences I've been through. As a self-professed recovering porn addict, I agree with what she says, both in the negative experience of taking the mystery out of sex (I love that quote too), but also because of my positive experience of what starving myself from porn can do. Similar to her anecdote on the woman that covered herself to everyone but her husband, I read in the "Every Man's Battle" book (which every man should read) that through starving my eyes and committing my sexual thoughts to my wife only, I see past anything that the porn-world would define as imperfection in my wife and see it as the God-given gift for me that is the most beautiful and sexual thing I could imagine. The best part about that approach is rather than it being on the woman to cover up, the man takes some ownership of where he goes and what he looks at.
I truly believe that porn is the number one killer of marriages, not mention our spirituality. It provides the most damage, because it is the thing we speak of the least. I've seen the stories recounting the Mary Winkler trial, and I see that horrible chain of events starting from one man's unspoken addiction to pornography that destroyed his view and expectation of sexuality with his wife.
I will have to say Scott that I don't see porn as an initiator of rapacious behavior, although I think it could definitely fuel the fire. I think it more likely that there is other abuse in a person's history when they are driven to that.
I want to have open conversation with my son about this. Rob, you should type up what you said for all of us that don't have the words. I think I also worry more about what my daughter learns about sex and the unrealistic expectations of how she should look and what she should do. I have heard stories of what girls from my old high school (my private, Christian school, to go to one of Phil's previous discussions) did not long after I left, and it was in the line of what the author of this article talked about with guys talking girls into acts with one another, etc. I'm scared for our children.
Wow. I probably said way too much. If any men out there are struggling with porn, find a safe person to talk to, and to be totally real and honest with. You'll probably find you're not alone.
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