Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Picking Battles

One of the big things I think about in raising Kinsey and the next one is picking the right “battles to fight.” I really try to figure out when is the right time to really enforce my will (what I think she should do) on her (what she wants to do). You guys read about this process last week.

I get caught between this “daddy” desire to let her do exactly what she wants whenever she wants that makes her happy and the “father” ideas that she actually needs to do what I tell her to do when I tell her to do it. Now I’ll say that she has gotten much better about this than she was 1 year and 2 years ago, but every now and then I’ll tell her to do something and not only won’t she do it, she’ll give me this look of what I can only describe as defiance and if there’s anything that gets my blood boiling, it’s that.

So from you guys, what insights do you have about what battles to fight? When do you fight them? How do you fight them?


Anonymous said...


You'll love this. When we got to our wit's end w/MC, I called Miss Eva. We had a very nice conversation that lasted about 45 minutes. It was unbelievably helpful and I think it also made her day.


Tony Arnold said...

Phil, defiance makes me mad too. I guess it makes me defiant.

I have to force myself to keep my emotions out of the decision making. Very hard, but critical for any action of mine to have merit with Maria.

Second, I try to let her make the choice of how to behave, but she has to live with the consequences. As Dave Morgan likes to say, "I'm sorry you made that choice." She is starting to realize that she can't blame me for her decision. So she gets to make her decision, but she doesn't get her way.

That doesn't help on which battles to fight, but they are lessons I have learned the hard way once you choose a battle.

Also, I have learned not to fight a battle when it is her just being tired. When I pick a battle then, it is lose-lose for us both.


Malia said...

did you see that Brittany over at NIT gave you a nod and linked to this post?

Malia said...

sorry, it's Brittney

Phil said...

I hadn't seen that. She's done it a couple of times for me and I'm always honored when she does.

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